Here We Go Again

Why is it whenever I think I’m ready for something, I discover I’m not quite as prepared as I thought? I didn’t hear from TB a lot when he was home, but I knew pretty much where he was and what he was doing. As he has made his way back to his squad, he’s contacted me every day to let me know his whereabouts. His last words to me on chat were, “gotta go … I’ll update u …. love you ttyl”

waiting….waiting…..waiting…..

I know where he was supposed to go next. I mentally calculate the time it takes to get from one destination to the next. It has been too long since he was online, at least in my mind. He is not one to pass up an opportunity to be online if it presents itself. And yes, I know all the scenarios that will explain his absence. My greatest hope is that he reached one destination and was immediately able to proceed. He’s anxious to get back. His guys want him back. “We need him here,” a few have told me.

And so I wait….feeling anxious…the feeling I wasn’t prepared for. I’m an old hand at this, after all. Time to put my game face on and get into my battle rhythm. Here we go again.

End of R&R

I’ve spent the last week or so quietly sitting on the sidelines observing TB as he enjoyed his leave. It’s been a wonderful time for him and his children. It amazes me that a man who has been in a remote area of a foreign country for months, who has not seen his children for two years, can take on the task of single-handedly caring for two young children for nearly two weeks. TB called a few nights ago and told me that many mornings he woke up stretched out across the bed, fully clothed, shoes still on, where he had passed out from exhaustion. It made me laugh to think of this big, physically fit soldier who easily climbs mountains with 80+ pounds of gear knocked out by caring for two young children.

R&R

Has it really been 10 days since I posted? It's all TB's fault! Not really, but if I have to blame someone it might as well be him. He would get a kick out of that. In all honesty, it is partly his fault because he is home on leave and I am feeling relaxed about his situation for now. Yesterday he surprised his daughter. She knew he was coming soon, but did not know exactly when. I hope someone took pictures. I haven't had a chance to ask him about it. He tried to do a video call today, but I was teaching, so the timing was bad. Silly boy, he never can keep the time differences straight. He was supposed to take his kids to the mall. I can't wait to hear how that went! Maybe we will catch up this weekend.

Optimism

TB has been bouncing around from one place to another. I arrived home from church yesterday to find him online waiting for me. His time was almost up but he was able to tell me where he was, give me a quick update and say “love you…bye” It’s one of the things you learn to accept. I could sit here and feel sad that I didn’t get home earlier and that we didn’t have more time, but I feel fortunate that I arrived home in time to chat for a few minutes. I know where he is and that he’s safe. It’s the not knowing that’s difficult to handle at times. Who am I kidding…it’s always hard to handle. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he warm enough? Is he eating enough?  Is he spending the night on a craggy mountaintop?  It can be overwhelming. I’m generally a very optimistic person but there are times when I have to work at it. I’ve discovered that my mind can quickly wander into the danger zone of negative thinking and worry. It serves no purpose, of course. It certainly doesn’t help TB and it drags me down. I promised him before he deployed that I would keep my game face on, so I remind myself that he is physically, mentally, and emotionally strong, well-trained, the ultimate soldier surrounded by good men.