Military Families

TB’s deployment has opened a world to me that I wish more Americans could see. Because I have a dear friend whose husband was deployed, I am not completely new to the emotional roller coaster military families endure. I’ve become friends with families who have sons in TB's brigade. We share our fears, joys, frustrations, anxieties, and tears. Many of the parents have no military background or deployment experience, but we learn together as we lean on each other. We have become a safe place to ask questions, seek advice, and share our emotional highs and lows.


Deployment does not put a halt to the difficulties of life. Our small group of 35 families has dealt with death, divorce, medical problems, accidents, pregnancies, and much more while worrying about their Soldier’s safety and living conditions. Military families make tremendous sacrifices. They are strong, caring people who learn what to say when their Soldier loses a buddy, how to put on their game face, as TB says, which questions to ask and which to let go. They learn to accept long periods of silence and to make the most of a 15 minute phone call.  Meanwhile, they carry on with their jobs, their household responsibilites, their lives in the best way they can.

Stockings

Before Thanksgiving, the kids at school stuffed 36 stockings for me to send to the Troops. Fifteen of them went to TB for him to hand out to his guys. Thanks to friends at church, I had plenty of items to put in the stockings. I mailed them the Friday after Thanksgiving. I know the Military makes a special effort to get mail through at this time of year, but I was still a little concerned that they might not get there in time for Christmas. I was very relieved when TB told me the packages arrived mid-week. He posted some photos of the guys with the stockings. It was great to see who received them.


I suppose I should say that I sent 14 stockings because the 15th was a mini-stocking with coal for TB. I couldn’t resist. Of course, I also sent a special stocking that was about 4 feet long. It was such a good feeling when he said he needed everything in it. I had no idea how much he would need the poly-pro shirt and pants or the warm gloves when I bought them. I also sent a Bore Snake and other things he can use to keep his gun in good order. I knew he wouldn’t eat the traditional Christmas meal that might be served, so I made sure to include a variety of canned fish and seafood.

All of TB’s guys have good support now, so I wasn’t worried that they would be forgotten at Christmas. I just wanted them to have a little something extra. Something to make them smile, at least for a little while.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: A Poem for My Hero

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas: A Poem for My Hero

                          By Betsy Bursey
                       December 24, 2010

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
All the people were thinking of what they had planned
Presents and laughter and family and food
Excitement and joy was the dominant mood

Children tucked safely in bed, sound asleep
Were dreaming of presents piled in a heap
Parents and grandparents by the fire as it glowed
Looked out on the beautiful, glistening snow

I glanced out the window at the calm, silent night
And was filled with wonder at the peaceful sight
As the hour grew late and sleep beckoned me
I found myself down on bended knee

Outside it was dark, but for the yellow moon
As I thought of my son and his brave platoon
Their day was beginning as mine came to an end
So my fervent prayer up to God I did send

Protect them, I pled, from the seen and unseen
From mortars and firefights and IED’s
Give endurance and strength and courage today
To those who are fighting half a world away

I prayed for my Hero and those by his side
As they stood strong and brave with American pride
I prayed for the families they’d each left behind
And asked God to give them all peace of mind

As I knelt there in silence, his dogtags in my hand
Thinking of my soldier in that faraway land
I whispered his name and as I always do,
Added words he counts on, “Be safe, love you”

Progress

I accomplished more yesterday than I thought I would. Late afternoon and evening were definitely more productive than the earlier part of the day. I easily finished the Christmas cards and packed three boxes for TB. I had the foresight early last week to have my class write letters to my soldiers, so those will be this week's letters. I'm glad I didn't save that activity for Thursday, as I originally planned, since Thursday and Friday were both "snow days". The guys love hearing from the kids and as usual the letters are very cute. A short personal note from me and the Troop mail will be ready for today's mail.

It's supposed to be the busiest day at the post office so I'm trying to decide if I should take TB's boxes today or wait until tomorrow. It takes so long for his mail to arrive that I wonder if one day will matter. Then again, I always have this feeling that one day might make a difference. Suppose they decide to transport mail from one FOB to another the day before my boxes arrive? Well, that could happen on any given day I suppose. Oh man, I'm laughing at myself over this! TB says I think too much. I believe he's right.

Out of Whack

I hate days like this. There is so much to do - Christmas cards to write, boxes to pack for TB, letters to my Soldiers to write, clothes to wash, thank you notes to write. And yet I can't concentrate on anything. I wish I knew why. I spend a few minutes doing one thing and then another but not really accomplishing much.

Church was wonderful this morning. Our choir did their special cantata. As always, it was beautiful and inspiring. I was sitting there feeling filled-up by the glorious music when a scene flitted through my mind of a phone call and nothing else except NOOOOOOO!!!!! I don't understand where this comes from. I suppose it's normal, but it really makes no sense right now. It's not as if TB hasn't been around. I got online last night just before midnight. I guess his time must have been up because he was on YM and immediately wrote "sorry gotta run love u" and then was gone. He was on Facebook later, too, when I was asleep. I could understand these thoughts and feelings if I hadn't heard from him for days. I don't know....shaking my head. Time to go do something....start a load of laundry, finish the boxes for TB, get those Christmas cards addressed, then start on the letters to the Troops. Concentrate. Focus.

Army Mom Strong

It’s been a rough few days as I’ve learned about the conditions of the place where TB now finds himself. Little heat, scarce food, personal belongings not yet brought in, including TB’s mail that arrived while he was on leave. Mail that ironically could provide some warmth and nutrition. Sigh. It is what it is. All I can do is try to get the word out, pull people together, and go from there. I am so thankful for those who have answered the call. I pray that all the boxes sent to TB and his buddies arrive in good time. One of his buddies has yet to receive a box I sent on 10 November. A week later I sent TB and a buddy boxes with Christmas cards for their soldiers to send to loved ones back home. When those finally arrive maybe the guys can build a fire and heat up some food. Although the food, sleeping conditions, and cold concern me, I know the guys will be fine. They can handle those things. Soldiers have dealt with such conditions for centuries.

Days pass without a new post because at times I honestly don’t know how to express what I’m thinking or feeling. My purpose in writing this blog was to put my thoughts in writing and to convey what it’s like from my point of view to go through a deployment. What happens, though, when you’re afraid to think?

A short online conversation with TB this morning reminded me that the living conditions are the least of his concerns. His thoughts were scattered, as if there were specific things he had on his mind to tell me. And although the conversation went in several directions, he kept going back to one thing. I try to analyze his words and read between the lines. Why did he mention three times the one aspect of his job that he has absolutely no control over, the one thing that causes him the greatest concern? Why did he ask me to pray for him? To prepare me? To get it off his chest?

His job frightens me, but I know he is well trained and he is very good at what he does. He’s been looking forward to this change because he’s doing what he loves. I find comfort in that. I’m glad he trusts me not to fall apart on him, but sometimes I wonder if he might view my non-emotional response as lack of concern. When he was in Iraq he said he couldn’t deal with the thought of me worrying about him. I learned then to keep my emotions in check. No “OMG!” or “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried about you!” Nothing along those lines. He trusts me to be strong, so I sit here, my eyes filled with tears that TB will never know about, and I pray.

Limbo

TB is in limbo...waiting to move on. I'm in limbo...waiting for I don't know what...just waiting. The good news is that for now he is in a relatively safe place, compared to where he could be....will be.

His guys arrived back from a long, successful mission that I believe TB regrets missing. Now they are all at a temporary base awaiting the next step. I wouldn't mind if he stayed there for a while. I know what lies ahead and it concerns me. TB is looking forward to the challenge. He's not one to sit around and do nothing. He wants to be out there making a difference, putting all his training to use, leading his guys.

TB's past deployment prepared him well for the task ahead. For his soldiers it will be a completely new experience. They're a closeknit group, though, and I know they will listen to him and learn from him. I push aside thoughts of the importance of that. for his safety as well as theirs. They must learn quickly, stay focused, and watch each other's backs. They're good guys. I'm counting on them.