Here We Go Again

Why is it whenever I think I’m ready for something, I discover I’m not quite as prepared as I thought? I didn’t hear from TB a lot when he was home, but I knew pretty much where he was and what he was doing. As he has made his way back to his squad, he’s contacted me every day to let me know his whereabouts. His last words to me on chat were, “gotta go … I’ll update u …. love you ttyl”

waiting….waiting…..waiting…..

I know where he was supposed to go next. I mentally calculate the time it takes to get from one destination to the next. It has been too long since he was online, at least in my mind. He is not one to pass up an opportunity to be online if it presents itself. And yes, I know all the scenarios that will explain his absence. My greatest hope is that he reached one destination and was immediately able to proceed. He’s anxious to get back. His guys want him back. “We need him here,” a few have told me.

And so I wait….feeling anxious…the feeling I wasn’t prepared for. I’m an old hand at this, after all. Time to put my game face on and get into my battle rhythm. Here we go again.

End of R&R

I’ve spent the last week or so quietly sitting on the sidelines observing TB as he enjoyed his leave. It’s been a wonderful time for him and his children. It amazes me that a man who has been in a remote area of a foreign country for months, who has not seen his children for two years, can take on the task of single-handedly caring for two young children for nearly two weeks. TB called a few nights ago and told me that many mornings he woke up stretched out across the bed, fully clothed, shoes still on, where he had passed out from exhaustion. It made me laugh to think of this big, physically fit soldier who easily climbs mountains with 80+ pounds of gear knocked out by caring for two young children.

R&R

Has it really been 10 days since I posted? It's all TB's fault! Not really, but if I have to blame someone it might as well be him. He would get a kick out of that. In all honesty, it is partly his fault because he is home on leave and I am feeling relaxed about his situation for now. Yesterday he surprised his daughter. She knew he was coming soon, but did not know exactly when. I hope someone took pictures. I haven't had a chance to ask him about it. He tried to do a video call today, but I was teaching, so the timing was bad. Silly boy, he never can keep the time differences straight. He was supposed to take his kids to the mall. I can't wait to hear how that went! Maybe we will catch up this weekend.

Optimism

TB has been bouncing around from one place to another. I arrived home from church yesterday to find him online waiting for me. His time was almost up but he was able to tell me where he was, give me a quick update and say “love you…bye” It’s one of the things you learn to accept. I could sit here and feel sad that I didn’t get home earlier and that we didn’t have more time, but I feel fortunate that I arrived home in time to chat for a few minutes. I know where he is and that he’s safe. It’s the not knowing that’s difficult to handle at times. Who am I kidding…it’s always hard to handle. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he warm enough? Is he eating enough?  Is he spending the night on a craggy mountaintop?  It can be overwhelming. I’m generally a very optimistic person but there are times when I have to work at it. I’ve discovered that my mind can quickly wander into the danger zone of negative thinking and worry. It serves no purpose, of course. It certainly doesn’t help TB and it drags me down. I promised him before he deployed that I would keep my game face on, so I remind myself that he is physically, mentally, and emotionally strong, well-trained, the ultimate soldier surrounded by good men.

Communication

The past week was a good one for communication. TB had to go to a larger base for a class. He completed that and as often happens where he is, travel plans are iffy and determined on a day-to-day, even hour-to-hour, basis. He doesn't seem to be frustrated, though. I know he is enjoying the larger gym and better facilities.


We have been able to communicate online quite a bit. It's been very similar to when he was at his home base, before deployment. It's funny that it's my schedule that interferes with our communication more than anything else right now. The best time for him to be online is usually when I'm asleep or working. I guess he got fed up with that because one evening he appeared online around 2 am his time. The next thing I knew my computer was ringing like a telephone. It startled me at first and then I saw his YM message "ring ring" and realized he was making a video call. We talked for over 2 hours. It was so much fun! In retrospect I have to laugh at the way we jump from one topic to another...some serious, some funny, and some just plain nonsense that only the two of us would understand.

This weekend we weren't able to chat much at all. TB came online early this evening and I was certain we would have a nice long chat. Within 20 minutes, though, he said he had to get off, but hoped he would be on tomorrow so we could talk. One thing about TB, he always signs off with "love you" no matter how hurried he is. If he has a few extra minutes and we continue to exchange a few words, each of his comments ends with "love you" as if he wants to make sure that's the last thought he leaves with me.

What a Sweetheart!

I believe this is the longest I've gone without posting. I was away for a few days last week on a school camping trip and there's always so much to do beforehand that it's hard to get to everything.

A little over a week ago my phone rang. It was an odd number and I know what that means. Sure enough it was TB. We talked briefly and then he said he was calling because one of his soldiers received a package from his Angel who is also my good friend. The soldier wanted to call her and say thanks. I had the opportunity to chat with that young man briefly. He was so sweet and appreciative. This particular soldier was the one TB had been concerned about because he did not get any mail during the last mail drop. TB and I talked for a short time, mostly about the flowers, and then he had to go.


The next day TB called again. He was somewhat chagrined because he was so focused on his soldier the day before that he neglected to say anything about the packages he received from me. We talked for a little over an hour and as is his way he encouraged me to ask all the questions I had filed away in my head. When he was satisfied that I had all the information I wanted, he talked about some of the things that are heavy on his mind. Bless his heart he has so much to deal with. Some of it is related to where he is and his rank. That I can understand. It’s the drama from friends who don’t fully understand that dumping all their problems on him is unfair. He’s so tired of people complaining about their bad restaurant experiences, venting about traffic and roommates, and whining about work.

Thursday evening after my return from camping I was surprised to see TB online. He had just finished guard duty. It was very late and he was exhausted. He had an early mission the next day, but wanted to get online to see if I was there…just to make sure I was back and find out how the trip went. What a sweetheart!

Birthday Boy

The big 3-0 finally arrived for TB. I was nervous about the kind of day it would be. I knew he had a mission early in the day. He said he would open his gifts when he returned. I tried really hard to make it a good day for him, but I had plenty of help. Thanks to many wonderful friends, Soldiers’ Angels, and my class, I collected 64 birthday cards for him. I sent one of his buddies a box with a silly party hat and 24 party bags to share with the two squads. He kept the box hidden until TB's birthday. There were 30 gifts for him to open. The idea was to open them in order from 1 to 30, with the best gift being #30. When I looked at the photos he sent I could tell he did it just the opposite. Obviously he figured out what I’d done. Kind of funny that after waiting nearly two weeks to open the gifts, he couldn’t wait to open the best ones first. His big gift was a set of wireless headphones so he can listen to music while he works out. I was stumped about what to send, but I asked one of his buddies and that was his suggestion. Care packages will be on the way soon to the two guys who helped me make this a good birthday for TB.